Things that work... Things that don't...

When I was pregnant, I read soooo much on "how to raise your newborn" and took everything to be the gospel truth. For example, breastfeeding is the best and should be the only way you feed your baby. Don't rock your baby to sleep, let them learn how to sleep on their own. Rock your baby to sleep, they are an infant and need the extra comfort. Have a schedule for your baby - they will be happier. Don't have a schedule, respond to your babies cues. Never sleep with your baby. Sleep with your baby, he needs your comforting presence.

I guess it got to be a little confusing with so much conflicting information. Since then I have learned that every baby/mom is different. Here is what works for me:

On breastfeeding: Sorry, didn't work for me. I really wanted it to. I had 2 lactation consultants working with me round the clock at the hospital for 3 days. Didn't work - sorry. I felt like the most awful mother in the world and just cried and cried. It didn't help that almost every book you read on babies implies that your baby will be stupid, unhealthy, have major food allergies and you will get cancer if you don't breastfeed. But after that, they always say "but don't worry if it doesn't work for you, bottlefeeding is always an option." Talk about scare tactics!

I spoke with my pediatrician before I officially stopped trying. I pumped for about 2 weeks and it was awful. He told me that yes, breastfeeding is best, but that doesn't mean formula is bad. Our society puts too much focus on "breast" and not enough on "feeding." If you gave him a roomful of 3 years olds, he couldn't tell you who was breastfed and who wasn't. There was a study done testing 3-year-olds IQs, which is the support for why they saying breastfeeding makes you smarter. He told me it was done on a small group - about 200 kids. And very controversial because you can't test a 3-year-olds IQ, yet that is what they based their results on. Also, if if your baby is going to have milk allergies he will get them anyway - its not the formula's fault. He also explained a bunch of other research on breastfeeding. He helped me realize I wasn't condeming my baby to be stupid, allergic to everything, unhealthy, and unloved. I really appreciate it. And I now have much more compassion for other mothers like me who weren't able to breastfeed in a society where you feel like other mothers look down their noses at you when you whip out a bottle.

To Rock or not to Rock: Rocking definitely does NOT work for me. I love holding Soren and rocking him, but it isn't the best solution to help him fall and stay asleep. He will sleep in my arms, but I have the most awful transition from arms to crib. He wakes up everytime and cries more than if I don't rock him. And yes, I hold him the proper length that all the books say. Blah blah - I'm pretty sick of the "experts" in books right now. What does work for me is staying in tune with his energy levels. Once I recognize the tired signs - red eyes, still feet, and yawns - we cuddle for a couple minutes to calm him down, then I swaddle him and stick him in his crib. Most of the time he will fall asleep without crying - which doesn't happen if I rock him and he wakes up with my awkward transitions. And if he does cry, I plug him up with the pacifier, rub his belly and leave him alone for a couple minutes and then repeat. Usually, I don't have to go in there more than 2 or 3 times.


On having a schedule: I kind of do, I kind of don't. I like the pattern set up in the book "On Becoming Babywise" where your baby eats, plays, then sleeps. We do that in a 3 hour span everyday, but I haven't attached any specific times to it. Mainly because every day seems to be different - somedays Soren is hungry earlier, somedays he sleeps longer. I might take it a little more seriously in another couple weeks, but this works for me right now.

On sleeping with your baby: Soren sleeps in his own crib at night - he has to, otherwise he gets a more tired and cranky mommy. But during the early morning and late afternoon I love to take a little nap with him. We like to sleep on the futon, where there is absolutely no chance of me rolling over or him falling off. Plus, Leo gets to join in on the cuddling and it is one big party


To sum it up, I've learned to take the experts with a grain of salt. Before having Soren, I had very strong opinions about what I would do with him. Then reality happened. Every baby is different and not usually the text book example. I take people more seriously when they recognize that there is more than one way to teach a baby to sleep, eat and parent. If you are dead-set on a "one and only way" then you need to have a reality check.