Update on my postpartum depression/anxiety
Me, my doctor and my husband are pretty positive that I'm dealing with some postpartum depression and DEFINITELY anxiety. The anxiety, as mentioned in my last post, is mainly centered around sleep.
Apparently, there are a bunch of different types of anxiety. Mine seems to fall under two categories - Worry (the "what if_______"s are out of control) and Compulsion (doing the same thing the same way out of fear I won't sleep if I don't).
Luckily, I have an awesome family doctor who has been extremely responsive to my concerns. I've been taking some medicine that is starting to help me during the day, but my sleep is still an issue. So I'll be visiting a councilor next week. I actually tried to visit one this week, but it didn't go very well. Her best suggestions were to put lavender on my pillow and do more deep breathing before bed. I tried not to roll my eyes.
Things that help my anxiety (along with meds):
- Avoiding other mom's with newborn babies (Sorry to my friends who just had babies. It makes me too sad to see others able to nurse and not have to deal with ppd/a.)
- Switching from nursing to bottle feeding (Whole load of stress gone and now I can eat normal food again, since Lucas was sensitive to dairy).
- Living in the moment when I am with my boys (Soren and Lucas bring me so much joy and I can forget about most my worries when we play games or sing lullabies)
- Walking, walking, walking
- Soaking up the sun (I've also been taking extra vitamin D along with my prenatal vitamins)
- Music - singing lullabies and playing my violin
- Researching (but I've found books more helpful than the internet)
- Verbalizing my daily blessings (I don't usually realize how many I have until Scott asks me what I did during the day. Then I realize all these little things that added up.)
- Blessings
- Journal writing before bed
- Slowing down. (I've had to accept my messy house. When I feel myself speeding up to finish a task or get something done, I stop and breath. Once I get going, the anxiety is more likely to be triggered).
- Letting go (Accepting that I'm not going to be the perfect mom. I can't do it all and what worked for Soren as a baby may not work for Lucas. However, I can love my boys more than anyone else)
- Talking to people who know (My mom and other family members, along with a few friends, have been so comforting and helpful.)
Anyway, those are just a few ways I am coping. The biggest thing has been my medicine. I don't feel drugged or weird on it - it helps me feel myself again. Now my main issue is learning how to sleep on my own without xanax or ambien. Doctor's orders are to start my day instead of letting the day start me. I have to pick a wake up time. He says the first thing I do is put on my shoes and go for a 15-20 minute walk. He says I'll feel so drugged and slow at first, but it should be as vigorous as I can make it. This should help reset my biological clock. Then I have to slow down more in the evening - which is hard with the weather being so perfect right before bed. But I'll do anything to get my life back to normal again. Who wouldn't?
Books on Anxiety that I've found helpful:
- "Yoga for Anxiety"
- "The Mother-to-Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book"
- "The Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety Work Book"
Feel free to share any books you've found helpful.
Comments
No sleep is impossible! Hang in there. This is temporary, a normal sleep pattern will happen, stick with it, enjoy the sunshine when it's up! He'll come around. :)
Now back to your blog... Love the picture of you and Lucas! SOOO cute! I'm sure he looks a lot bigger now. I am glad you are finding things that help with your ppd and anxiety! Perfecting time for the walks too because now Rexburg has good weather! Can you imagine trying to do that in the winter! eh!! Luv ya!
Kudos to you for talking about this issue because I think it's a bigger problem than a lot of people realize. No one wants to talk about it. Especially after a baby, you feel so alone and isolated and like something is wrong with you when you're not as happy as you "should" be. Truth is that hormones are incredibly powerful forces and pregnancy really throws everything out of whack. It's not just your body that will never be quite the same again. Coupled with lack of sleep and everything else that a new bundle of joy brings, it's a recipe for trouble. It sounds like you're on the right path to getting back to feeling like yourself again and I'm so happy for you that you have figured it out and are getting the support you need. Lots of love to you and your sweet family!
So, I hardly ever comment on blogs, but I have to add my "you are not alone" two cents. After my 2nd baby I developed TERRIBLE anxiety that hasn't really gone away. I was on medication (daily - and the good stuff for immediate "I'm gonna die issue") for four years. Even having my 3rd didn't clear it up. I was hoping another pregnancy would reset my "clock" - but it didn't. After four years, I found that I can manage without daily meds if I exercise every morning, hard, for an hour. The days I miss, I have a hard time coping with simple problems and anxiety provoking issues. My anxiety focuses around talking to people on the phone. Stupid, makes no sense, but I'll have a total breakdown if I have to call a stranger on a bad day. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I hear you. There are more of us out there than you think. PPD is often catagorized around depressive symptoms, but the anxiolytic ones can be just horrible. Hang in there, take those meds and let them get in your system, and keep with the steps you are taking to slow down and let go. Glad you have a good MD - they make all the difference in the world. It'll all level out eventually, either on your own or with the use of those wonderful meds, which I for one believe God mercifully inspired people to discover in order to give us relief. Be patient with your body and yourself.