"When I grow up ____________"

My freshman college roommates and me in front of a very new BYU-Idaho sign in Spring, 2002.
Left: Lindz, me, bree, tia.

If you're like me then you've used this phrase many times - "When I grow up _______..." or "Someday _______ ...." and you then fill in the blank with a.) an awesome achievement you'll strive for, b.) some impressive knowledge or skill you'll master or c.) "what you want to be," etc... I've always thought very highly of my future self. How could I not admire this future-self, who will fill a book case with her own novels, paint master pieces, raise four perfect children, speak French, Italian, German and Spanish, dress like a sophisticated European, create anything she puts her mind to, and -most importantly - be charitable to all... Just give me a few more years, I'm sure I'll get it down.

Tonight I was reading some old journal entries. I bought a brand new journal my sophomore year in college and am still hardly half way through it - but to give me credit, it has large pages and I've been keeping a smaller, purse size journal on the side. Anyway, I remember how often I thought about my impressive, future self back in the day when I was cramming for exams and dreaming about my future life. Here I am, five years later and still not caught up to my future self. The weird thing is, when I was reading my journal I started thinking about "back when I was grown up." Ever heard that phrase? I'm borrowing it from a book by the same title - only I"m not doubting decisions I mad over 40 years ago. No, I'm fine with all my major life decisions. But I'm also a little more aware of some good things I had back then, that I may be a little off on now. "Back when I was grown up..." I sure had a great perspective on life. I definitely was a little more trusting and faithful. There are quite a few 'life lessons' I'd learned then and consciously forgotten until reading them again today.

So I'm not quite "grown up", but the good news is I still have my future-self to invest in today. Maybe I'll try and not complain so much about my stressful job tomorrow. Or maybe I will, but at least have a better attitude about it. Yes - that sounds better. I will definitely still complain, only I'll not focus on the misery so much. And I think I'll pick up writing in the big journal again, too.