Friendship, part 1

My friend Michelle and I at her wedding several years ago.

**Writing is therapy for my soul. This post was written to help me work through the grief of loosing a friend. **

I have learned that phone calls in the morning are never a good thing. 

On Monday morning, when the air was brisk but the sun shone bright, I set off for a walk with my dog, Leo. I normally leave my phone behind, but I had misplaced my watch and needed to keep track of the time. 

Leo and I made it past the park when I got a call that one of my oldest and dearest friends had collapsed and was on life support. Panic and hysteria took over, but also disbelief. I found myself sitting on a bench in an isolated corner of the park near my home. 

Sobbing, I prayed and prayed. My dog sat slightly behind me, watching over me with a worried look in his eyes. I felt calm and peace as I prayed. The calm assurance that all would be well. I mistook that to mean she would survive. 

source

For me, it was a day of distraction as we waited for updates and news. I did ridiculous things - buying bags of chocolate with my 4-year-old and eating half of them; buying yards of felt and attempting to sew a dinosaur costume - only to break down sobbing over misplaced scissors; spending hours scouring the internet to find every quote on friendship in existence. 

The news got worse and worse, but denial remained my strongest ally. When I learned of her death it took several minutes before it hit me. After I cried and cried, I was able to talk with my husband. 

source

Then somehow my mom, with her mother's intuition, knew to call. I let her know Michelle had just passed away. My mom has recently lost one of her best friends to cancer and was the perfect person for me to talk with about this kind of loss and grief.

One of my greatest comforts happened as we were talking. I sat outside on my stairs, blankly staring into the night sky. She assured me that Michelle loved us very much and was nearby. If she could let us know she was okay then she would.

Right after she said that, a shooting star blazed across the sky right in front of my line of sight, like it was meant just for me. I was blown away.

"Mom! I just saw a shooting star!" I cried. She laughed and thanked Michelle.

I thought of my friends big smile and laughter.  I smiled and knew that it was her.

It amazes me how much we must learn in death. And how little we know about the universe in life.

Source

A little bit of my heart will always be hers. I am thankful for our friendship. I am thankful for my faith. I can't wait to see her again and pick up just where we left off, just like we always do.