The decision every pet-owner dreads

My pretty kitty, Luna, who was hit by a car on Monday.
She is suffering from a fractured and dislocated pelvis, tail bone and incontinence. 

I'm really angry about my cat being hit by a car. And even more angry about the cost to help heal her. I know my anger doesn't solve any problems, but it distracts me from feeling as helpless. Although, I still feel pathetically helpless.

I am placed in a position of choosing an expensive surgery to save her life (with continued health problems) or euthanizing her (which means loosing her companionship and feeling like world's worst pet owner).

Some good points my friends have shared with me on both sides are:

• We saved her life as a kitten and she has lived very well with us, even if it is for a short time.
• The money might be worth her continued companionship for the next 5-10+ years
• She was/is perfect for our family and can never be replaced, but every cat is different and will fill our hearts in different ways. 
• Learning to deal with grief is an important part of life. 

Luna and Leo cuddling - a regular past-time at our house

For me, the hardest part of this decision is exactly what it is - a decision. I have the freedom to choose. In some ways, I wish it would be taken out of my hands by a turn for the worse or a sudden miracle. Or a well-timed freelance assignment to help compensate for the cost. Although even that would not smooth over the problems of an incontinent cat, no matter how much I love her. 

Luna and I cuddling a couple weeks ago, between dishes and dinner in my kitchen. 

My other frustration is my own mental health. Winters tend to get me down, even without beloved pets being run over. This winter, I have been doing a better job managing my health, but this has set me back a little. 

I feel so discouraged and sad that I just don't care right now. My physical fitness routine has gone out the window along with empty bags of chocolate and chips. My children have spent the last couple days binge watching The Magic School Bus and Daniel Tiger,  while I mope and mindlessly browse the Internet.  I've lost interest in reading (which is always a bad sign) and feel awful. I have no motivation for dishes, housework, bills or any of my grown-up responsibilities. Good thing everyone likes cereal and sandwiches - cause that is all I am capable of right now. 

I just want to cry - and have been crying a lot. I am so upset and torn over this decision. It is hard enough to see a pet in pain, but being asked to be the responsible adult who provides for the pet is even harder.